Loud noises with colourful interactions, dim lights, cold and sore eyes. Wounded hearts, both, with unanswered questions and curiosity that could make both Venus and Mars collides. In awe with myself, the numbness, the familiar feeling of heavy burden in heart. Amazed by how we could communicate, those lovely unspoken words. Silent laughs, happy tears and meaningful stares.
" Baby, you look so pretty underneath the sunlight ", he said.
I wonder, what will happen next. Sharing covers, our bodies underneath this thin sheet, laughs between kisses and goodnights. " Have we been fooled? " , I asked myself as I'm tracing the line of your backbone. Down, and up, making round movements. Did you know how lovely those crinkles by your eyes? Intimate interactions often confuse young hearts like us, thinking lust as love. Funny how I left everything behind , just to share heat and blazing cold touches.
I wish I could express whatever feelings I have inside right now, all the rainbows and clouds, thunder rumblings inside my head. I'm still trying very hard to figure it out, how both of us ended where we are now. But expressing emotions and whatever it is in my heart isn't my forte any more. Loving him like this is so human, so sinful. And I refuse to think about it anymore. I just want him to stay. I just want the clock to stop ticking.
" Love is weird. "
And sharing everything to core, being so near to each other, to hear the familiar rhythm of breathing, inhaling the same addictive scent, and your hands touches mine : funny how sometimes I feel like you're so far. You're smiling now like a reaper with wings of angels, ripping and shattering every atom in my brain. I couldn't think, sometimes I couldn't breathe. The thoughts of losing you, to think of how vulnerable our relationship is, realizing how painful it is will be, yes love is weird. How weird it is to sacrifice almost everything to just spend a moment or two with someone that is not even yours.
But again, should we regret things that can make our hearts flutter? I buried it all away, regrets, second thoughts and insecurities. Ignorance. It is a bliss.
I just don't care. I love your crinkles. And I love you too.